Why listen…how would you understand?
Teenagers have lots of reasons for not listening….or so they tell me !
One of the most apparent reasons for not listening is their total belief that you couldn’t possibly understand their situation, you were never a teenager I guess and so your advice is flawed before you even start.
How would you know anything about fitting in with the Emo kids, getting dumped
by your soul mate or putting up with dorky parents that are too embarrassing for words!
When your teen has it in his mind that you’re lame and inexperienced… and most of us are I guess then everything you say is going to go in one ear and out the other.
Teenagers do need us ..yes they do need their parents and we are one of the two most important people in his or her life , whether they wants to admit it or not.
Your perception of your teenager builds their perception of themselves, and even if they continue to adamantly deny it, they does look up to you.
More often than not, communicating with your teenagers is something that both parties involved consider very important but neither of them know what to do.
Teens see their parents as older, nagging authority figures who don’t listen but instead offer snap judgments and advice that’s usually not wanted. Parents, too, see their teens as social enigmas, curious puzzle boxes that not even the smartest among us know how to solve.
However both the teenager and the parent are actually desperate to open up the lines of communication. No matter how desperate you are you can’t force your teen to open up to you, but until he does and you’ve established that connection, nothing you say is going to stick.
You just have to make yourself as open as possible to them, and hope for the best that they will know the lines of communication are open when they are ready to talk.
When they’re sitting down and you’re each giving each other your undivided attention….and that is undivided with no distractions then you should feel fairly secure that they’re ready to listen.
Here are some tips on how to communicate with your teenager
Avoid the urge to fight
If you let disagreements turn into all-out brawls with your teenagers, you’ll lose lots of precious ground you’re trying to gain. Many parents may believe that compromising with your teenagers to avoid all-out confrontation takes away your authority.Remember Be calm when your teenager is not, and turn away from a fight.
Listen, don’t just hear –
Teenagers everywhere have the same problems ,believe me I work with lots of them everyday.
Although they want to open up to their parents, they know their parents won’t really listen. Instead, they’ll jump in halfway, offer some advice that’s more an order than a suggestion, and think they’ve solved the problem.
– It may be hard, but you have to let your teens fully express themselves. Don’t jump to conclusions and override them with your beliefs and suggestions. If you try to finish their sentences for them or assume you know what they’re trying to tell you, you’ll probably just frustrate them – enough, more than likely, to drive them away from the conversation.
Be prepared to hear hard news.
Your kids are teens, now, and they’re dealing with complex, adult emotions and crises. If your son or daughter has something they need to talk to you about, you have to be prepared for the possibility that they need to talk about sex, drugs or any other adult issues.
She needs privacy.
To show that you respect your teen’s privacy, don’t rummage through her personal space unless you have a concrete reason to believe that she’s lying to you or hiding something serious. And remember:
Sometimes he just needs you to listen.
Understand that sometimes your kids just want a sounding board-they’re not looking for you to solve all their problems. When your son complains that his science teacher is being unfair or his soccer coach has been extra-hard on him, encourage him to talk by asking open-ended questions. (“Well, how does that make you feel?”) Don’t jump in with advice or threaten to intervene.